The Oaks Church, Josh Hallmark

3. Boundaries - How to Begin Building Boundaries

October 13, 2019 Josh Hallmark
The Oaks Church, Josh Hallmark
3. Boundaries - How to Begin Building Boundaries
Chapters
The Oaks Church, Josh Hallmark
3. Boundaries - How to Begin Building Boundaries
Oct 13, 2019
Josh Hallmark

Once we understand God has given each of us something worth protecting, we need a starting place to build boundaries in our lives. God's truth, our words, personal distance, time, family rituals and other people's help are all ways we can start building an infrastructure to help us value and protect the most important things we have.

Show Notes Transcript

Once we understand God has given each of us something worth protecting, we need a starting place to build boundaries in our lives. God's truth, our words, personal distance, time, family rituals and other people's help are all ways we can start building an infrastructure to help us value and protect the most important things we have.

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I am Josh Hallmark, and I want to thank you for listening to one of the oaks podcasts. Remember this message from Isaiah? Chapter 61 God takes the seeds of Brokenness and turns them in tow oaks of righteousness. And that's you. I might as well tell you guys what happened on Friday night just cause you're going here from the from the community. So we're playing us our varsity football team, last home game. And, uh, we're on a kickoff back for a touchdown. We go for two, our quarterback scores on the right, right side near the pylon. He gets about three yards in, and then he takes a late hit to the top half right here. I don't know if his helmet to helmet, but it was close. If it wasn't, which is a terrible cheap shot, right? He gets up and throws the football at the guy that did him, and then a big cloud of dust. It was a brawl. And once we got it back under control, other team elected to not continue play in. And so that's what happened. I got on the loudspeaker. I said, Listen, this is what's happening. Are cheerleaders were still won't do their thing. Our pet squad still going to do their thing. And then we pray and ask for the peace of God that Rob was talking about could descend on the place. So anyway, it was really unfortunate. It's funny. We've been boundaries right now. Boundaries all about managing yourself in the midst of other people. Football is a passionate sport. Sometimes cheap shots, those kind of oh, it brings out the fire and everybody. And so that's not an excuse, though, you know, But we thought we were gonna continue play in, and they're so this is my call way. Thought they were going to continue playing. And but they're actually this is judgment on my part. Their quarterback starting quarterback, star tailback were not able to continue, so they didn't have enough to play. So technically, that was a forfeit. But anyway, it was one of those things is just like I think it called it called the referees obviously caught them off guard cause I didn't get there quick enough to break it up. Um, but it caught us off guard to you guys have been there you to sing. Uh, Mr Josh around. Uh, how's the fastest? I could go trying to get down there and get it broken up anyway. Um, but it was It was unfortunate, You know that, Uh, I don't know how their kid was did that, but it's unfortunate one kid can create such a disturbance, but it takes, you know, it takes two to tango. Doesn't. Anyway, it happened. I don't know what else to say about it. It happened. Jesus is still the king. I tell those boys Look, God can turn things that good if you let him, and he will. And so, anyway, I don't know. January thinks about that. Really, dear. That's right. That's right. Way. Have a local deejay. Some of you guys have listening. Maybe recon Rich and Jeremy in the morning on 94.3. Will Jeremy, his family comes to his kids, can't get our schools. So he is. He's the voice of the Mighty Oaks. And so Jeremy's It's funny because we have a whole list of things for him to say. Don't forget our concession stand, folks. We got hot dogs. We've got cold, coach, you know, And we've been listening all year because we haven't heard him do the line. If you're looking for a church and open up like area, check out those 10 30 we haven't heard it all year. Maybe, he said. That in your mind is elsewhere. But gingers, like in the moment of silence, there's all this tension. I think it was actually comic relief, but when it happens, so anyway, anyway, I don't know what else to say about that, but it was. It was sad, but it I don't know. It is what it is. That's why Well, we have to play another day. You know, pants on the next day, right? That's just how it goes. Well, listen, if you have kids and you want them in. The kid's ministry were in a serious right now called the Heart of a Hero. Jesus. We just bless our kids church and pray that they will encounter your goodness and love today. Amen. Don't forget our new podcast and let's look together. This versus the verse we've been looking at for the last few weeks and it says, is carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ if anyone thinks he's something. When he's nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then it could take pride in himself without comparing himself to someone else. For each one should carry his own load. And so we something we learned about in the past couple weeks is that burdens is like a boulder, and we're supposed to help each other carry our burdens. But each person should carry their own load. That's more like a backpack. Does anybody remember what is in your backpack? What do you responsible for your own attitude, Right? Your own reactions. That's something we talked about. You know, you're responsible for your reactions. You can't say somebody made me mad. No, you chose to get mad if they made you mad than they have all the power, right? And so, um, our stuff were responsible for on stuff. So this idea of boundaries is what creates space that is defined. If I can define what is me then I can also define what is not me. And in this process of definition, it helps me to take responsibility for what is me, right? So that's one of the things that happens when we start understanding what our boundaries are. We've been talking. Another metaphor we've used is our hula, who, you know, if we're all have our own hula, who were responsible for what's inside our who. Lou. We're responsible to other peoples who loot the first part of that verse each other's burdens that we're responsible to people to love them, fulfilling the law of Christ. What's the law of Christ? Love God with all your heart, soul, strength and love your neighbor as you love yourself, right? So? So that's their This is in the context. We want to fulfill the law of Christ. But as we're fulfilling the law cries. We have to remember we have to care our own load. And so this message of boundaries is really about us taking personal responsibility. Four lives, not blaming other people. Look, I understand you guys know this, that we all have baggage. We are issues. We all have things that have happened to us in our past. Well, with all not come from ideal situations. But at the end of the day, you're going to stand before the Lord, and he's going to say, What about you? And so if we can go ahead and take responsibility now, that will help us be happy on that day, right? So today I want that we've talked about today. I want to talk about how to begin to actually make boundaries, protect what is inside. So this is where we got to last week. And so this is where I'm going to start this week. Boundaries keep good in and bad out. So a boundary. It's like a fence that has a gate, right? Remember the word I used the first week? It's a semi permeable membrane. It's something that lets things through, but it also keeps things out. And so when we have healthy boundaries in our life, that does not mean that we have walls because walls will isolate you. Walls will actually keep the bad in right. What we want to do is have walls with gates in it so that we can get the bat out. What is getting the bat out like maybe confessing sin, walking in the light with somebody saying Hey, I've got this problem. This is what I did confessing, saying That's getting a bad out. Being able to talk to somebody, share your heart that let you know those emotions and things like that. Having a a release for that, That's a good that's letting the bad out right. Oh, it's kind of like this. A boundary helps us like, say, offense. You got a toddler in the backyard? Um, the toddler in about yard The boundary keeps a toddler safe, right? Because what's on the outside of the fans? There's train tracks or there's a wolf. There's something like that. So boundaries help keep the bad out. Keep the good. And we like this toddler right? We want him to stay, say, anyway. So So this is where we were getting to last week. Is that boundaries? Help us protect the treasure boundaries. Help us protect the treasure. And what is the treasure? You guys remember this slide? Jesus said this. Do not cast your pearls before swine because they will trample them and they will turn also and trample you. And it creates this idea that there are things that we value. And because we Valium, we don't just put them out anywhere. Some of you guys maybe share too much of yourself. Some of you may be not enough right, So there's a give and take, but some of us air so guarded, but some of us heirs to open our boundaries or to open anybody can run in and out as they please. So what is this treasure? And let's talk about this for just a minute. So, uh, what do you guys think the treasury is? Jesus, this is interesting. This is a parable, and I'm like to hijack it for just a minute and, uh, and make it apply to what we're talking about. Jesus said there was a man that went and he saw treasure in the field. And then he went and sold all he had and bought the field. Why did he by the field it so that he could have the treasure And some, you know, there's two ways to look at it. One is that we find Jesus and we go sell everything. We have to get the treasure in the field. Another way to look at it is that Jesus was walking by your field, your pilot dirt, and he saw a treasure that was in you. And he went and sold all he had and gave it up. So that he could have you so he could have the treasure right. He's willing to accept the dirt, have the treasure. But either way, the parable, it creates an idea that there is something within us. We're ground right. There's something in us. It's worth something, and if you value what's in you, then you'll protect it. If you don't value what's in it in you, you will not protect it. And the people that are around you actually have more discernment than you think about whether you're protecting your treasure or not. If your treasures not protected, you'll get walked over. So what is the treasure? I would say your first treasure. The most valuable thing that you have that is worth protecting with boundaries is your relationship with God. And there is really so we were fundamentally designed, created. We were fashion in a way where we are relational beings in our first connection moment. The first thing that Adam saw when he was created was the father. You know, God spoke everything to existence, right? But Baba says he breathed the breath of life and Adam so So whenever he made Adam, he's like, right there. It's a visceral. It is a hands on thing, and when Adam open his eyes, the first thing he saw was Father God, and that's what we were made for First, that's what we're supposed to see first. We're supposed to see the Lord at work first, and this is a relationship that is worth protecting on. The crazy thing is that God is not a manipulator. He gives you freedom. He gives you choice, right? And so, with our choice, it's really important that we protect this relationship. You know, Jesus said, if you love me, you keep my commandments. He didn't say what that means is if you love May, you'll do whatever it takes to protect that relationship. Like if I love my wife, I won't cheat. Owner right. It's the same with God. If we love him, we won't cheat on it. And so that's what I think. That's what Jesus may. If you love me, you'll keep my commitments. Not not do my commandment that I have this backwards. At one point, my life I was always trying to do everything right, because if I didn't, I didn't love. God was not like that. It's an outflow relationship. If I love God, if there's relationship, then I'll keep his commandments right. I'll create boundaries. So s so. I want to do that because it's something that I value. That's the treasure. That's what I'm saying. Loving God. That relationship is the treasure. What else is the treasure that's in your field? I would say this. I would say you're actually the treasure. Like all you guys, where you are different, your personalities are different. So if you're taking notes, you can put your person. You're person. That is the treasures who you are and distinctively who you are, right, because you're not all the same. Some of us are, um, more introverted. Some of us are more extroverted, some of us a little more dimension of some of us have gifts that are more artistic. Some of us are more detail oriented. Some of us are administrative. Some of us are not. Um, some of us are. You know, we have all different. We have different gifts. Some of you guys are more gregarious. Your you make friends real easily. I would say the way that the Lord major is actually a treasure. And you know, I've been thinking a lot about sports like we're coming upon basketball season. And for some reason I was thinking about, um like you've got to use your personnel And I was talking to somebody of past week or two and there tell me about the defense that they ran and they ran a certain kind of defense because they had a brew big guy in the middle and he couldn't move very fast. And so they put him in the middle so they wouldn't have to move that much, and it made the most of who he was. It was actually, in a sense, honoring the way he was built to do it that way. And the point that I'm making by that is, how would it be if if I tried to take that same big guy and making the point guard where he's running up and down, that it would kill him? Well, here's the thing. I want you understand that this hit me today. Some of you guys are trying to be the point guard because you do not value the way you're built. One of the greatest things you can do is an athlete. Is understand who you are, what you can contribute, but also to understand what you can't contribute. If you got a big guy that can't dribble trying to be the point guard, he's gonna destroy the team. He's gonna have a lot of turnovers, right? This is in basketball. It's the same with foot loss, the same advice. But you have to understand your role in life. We often compare ourselves to somebody that is not like us instead of protecting who we are, how were made on one of the things that's really important is that our relationship with God is intact so that we become, because when you understand that God loves you and that he made you, it helps you relax in the fact of who you are. You're not trying to be somebody else. You're you remember that verse? They said we compare ourselves with ourselves. We're not. Compare yourself to other people because when we do that, we do not value what we are. If you wish. You know that's one of the 10 Commandments, right? Don't envy when we wish that we had somebody else's life, it does not go well for us in terms of building boundaries in our life that protect the treasure. So there has to be an element of saying, Hey, I am a treasure to tell your neighbor. So you did not know this. Possibly so you. So you you may not have known this. I hope you I want to know. But I'm a treasure. Your person is a treasure that would actually made you as you are. What else is the treasure that we're trying to protect? We're trying to keep the good and the bad out. It's our family, right? And it's the other clothes are family or close relationships because after all we're made for that were made for relationships. And one more thing is that we have to protect what I'm saying. If you don't speak for if you don't create healthy boundaries for it, somebody else will have a plan for you, right? You ever heard that God loves has a wonderful playing for your life on a ticket? There's about a dozen people in your life that love you. Or maybe they don't and have a wonderful plan for your life. And so it's really important that we have a sense of self that we have a sense of. Okay, this is what God has given. He's giving me these. Give me my relationship with him. I've got a guard that I have to guard my relationship with the Lord guard, my relationship with my family and those other close relationships. And then, finally, the last thing I want to point out that I think is the treasure in your field is your assignment God has given us. And here's the thing that's important for us to understand is we will never know our assignment outside of relationship with God. I mean, you could take personality tests and all that, but it just doesn't work right unless we're in right relationship with God. When we're in a relationship with him, it gives us a grid to see our life through. That's like, you know, Jesus said, you'll know the truth of the truth will make you free. He was not talking about a Scripture verse when Jesus said, you will know the truth. The Greek word is actually reality when you know reality, the way things really are, not how the enemies presented, um, not through our own biases, but as we actually gain revelation of the way things are. It's like we're no longer than Matrix, right? But the way things really are, then we actually find freedom. So anyway, your assignment is discovered in the midst of knowing that truth. So Jesus is the truth. And if you go to him as the truth and you'll find out the truth about yourself, that's what I'm saying. When you look into the eyes of truth, you find the truth about yourself. And so, like, for me, I'll tell you one of the things that I feel like is my Simon in life. I feel like God has called me to be an encourager like That's one of the things I would say And this might make it easier for you because saying this is my assignment. That's kind of tough because, you know, I don't know. It's just hard. It's a little more ambiguous than that, right? So you could say some of this. I believe part of my assignment is give me a little more freedom, right? A little more wiggle ring. But as I have dialogue with the Lord and other people in just the journey, this is another sermon right, But discovering your assignment, one of the things that I thought God is creating a force to encourage people. And so what I have to protect myself against we'll have to build a boundary for if I am discouraged continually. Do you think I'm any good, encouraging people that it's gonna be OK? So part of me treasuring the fact that the Lord's called me to be encourager is that I have to stay encouraged, right? And the devil loves to discourage. He would love for me to quit, right? And because the Lord's called me to do that, I feel like that. And so anyway, no. When your assignment helps you build boundaries to protect your assignment. You guys know about the goose that laid the golden eggs. I also, if you guys don't know about this good, you need to you to find out about this case. Could be quite beneficial. T All right, You guys know this story about the goose that laid golden eggs, right? It was it was it, um, Jack in the beanstalk. Did the giant have a goose that lays golden eggs? Was that it? Come home literature people. Okay. Thank you. sailor. I appreciate that. All right, So here's the deal. Let me just say this. There is a goose that lays golden eggs, and the man that own that goose did not have very good boundaries. He did not treasure his gay since. But there was a person that walked by and saw that there is no fence around that goose. And he said, Hey, I'm gonna get me that goose that lays gold next because I want those golden eggs. Except when that guy got the goose. This is what he said. I'm gonna tear that goose open, and I'm gonna get all those golden eggs. Guess what happened when he toured the goose open? No more golden eggs, Right? So here's the deal. You're the goose that lays golden eggs, and you're gonna have to protect your ability. You're gonna have to protect your ability. See, here's the deal. The golden egg delay. It's your vocation. It's your assignment. It's your person that actually what I'm talking about when you accept who you are, you actually bring something to this world. But when it's completely overrun because there's no boundaries, you lose your ability. Toe lay the golden age you're tracking with me because this world will, you know, I think Rob my living this earlier. The world little itchy I'm spit you out. It doesn't care about your golden eggs. Actually, it does care about your golden eggs. You delete them all and then try to get more. You'll say I'm gonna rip that goes open and get those eggs. So what you want to do is to be able to have boundaries that actually protect you Not so that you could be selfish, right? Because some people take boundaries that direction. Remember the law of Christ? That's what it is to help people. Right? But we understand from last week's talk that Jesus said, I'm going to J. Iris, his house, the minister, his daughter and he had to walk past other people's needs to build a meeting, the needs of his assignment, tracking with me because there's no shortage of needs in this world. And so anyway, boundaries help us protect the goose to now I have a picture. The goose. I just want to say it looks just like you that now let's talk about this for just a minute. How do we build boundaries. How do we How do we begin in terms of saying, How do I start this thing? How do I get this thing going? And, um, one of the first things that will actually help you build boundaries that will protect you in this life is the truth. And, uh, no in the Scriptures, Jesus said it this way, said to his disciples, This is the last thing Jesus said to him before he left. He said, Look, I'm going to all the world make disciples of all nations, teaching them to obey all that. I have commanded everything that he's commanded. He wanted us to learn. Why do you think you want us to learn that it is so that we can do this so we can protect the golden eggs, right? This is what the way Joshua put it when they were entering into new land, their Internet of the Promised Land, Joshua said, Keep this book of the law always on your lips. Meditate on it day and night so that you will be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. So Josh was leading this group of people saying, Hey guys, we're about to have a brand new start in a brand new place and here's what I want you to do. I want you to keep the words say God gave them the law to help protect what he was trying to build, to help protect what they needed to create their like the culture, if you will, the way they set up their life. And so it's important for us to know that when we're building our boundaries that were actually building boundaries in the right places. Um, have you guys heard of the law of the farm off on Tell you what this is. This comes from Galatians. Chapter six is where Paul said Be not to see God is not mocked for whatsoever. A man says that he should also read. So the devil knows this is the principle. We know this is a principal, so we want to make sure we're so in the kind of things that we want to reap, because here's the thing about the laws of God or the truth, if you will. The truth of God's word is that if you if you if you bet if you lay your shoulder into God's command. For example, I was talking about earlier about being faithful to my wife. If you laid your thing, you said, you know, that's actually not, You know, the Bible says in Proverbs Commits adultery that he would be pierced through with a liver. He threw his liver. It says something that he'll have many sorrows. It says that kind of stuff. And so you can say you can either work with that principle to build your bender. Oh, I've got to build protection so that that doesn't happen, right? You don't know anybody that's been on faithful marriage. We all do, right? Maybe us, maybe some of our parents. But it's because there were no boundaries in place. So boundaries, actually. But the truth of God's word as we meditate on it, this is what the verses, it's just keep this book of the law on your minds, meditate on it, talk about it right so that you could be careful to do what's written in it, because when we do that, that's actually creating a boundary. Um, do you guys know that the Bible says that that, um, drunkards will not have an inheritance in the Kingdom of God that's first created 69 It says that idolaters, adulterers, they will not have a part in the kingdom of Heaven. So if you start engaging this type of behavior that needs to be a boundaries, like you can fall in the rock and be broken. Or you can have the rock fall on you and you be ground to powder is the way that Jesus put it. We want to work and let the let the word of God create bandage for us. But the whole purpose is this, you know. Let me get my laser pointer. This is this laser moment is brought to you by it's concession stand. Don't forget at our home football games. Get a hot dog right here. Then he's me. Just a minute. Then you'll be prosperous and successful. That's the whole point. The whole point is that your goose is laying golden eggs. That's the point for boundaries Now. How has to be set up? Boundaries. Let's look at this. There's a couple other things. Another way that we set up boundaries is by using words. So we use the truth, meditate on the truth, think about the truth. It is like putting blocks in your wall, if you will. But also, using words helps do this now. I did this this weekend. A chap when I want to show you guys something that's really impressive. But I need a volunteer. Michael Day, can you come up here, please? Stop. All right, you got to see what just happened. What did I do? Boundaries. You're not always physical or they can boundaries be invisible. Absolutely. There's a spirit world. Right? But also I said stop and guess what it did. It created a boundary between Michael and myself. That was not too hard, was it? Come here. Stop. Look, I mean, it's just words. Do you guys realize that words are powerful? Forcing bcu. Thank you, Michael. Give it up for Michael. I appreciate that. You have no idea what I was going. Teoh were. Trust me, Chef. In my hands there, um, words actually helped create boundaries. Words is like, it's a primary way that we create boundaries. Right? Um, one of the best words that you can use it is no right or don't do that. Stop. Do you ever say that with people is a hill. Yes, it us you guys ever seen back in the future? Do you know this part? He said I can't actually put him. He said, Hey, you take your hands off her He used words to create a better to create a moment where and, you know I will tell you something, especially in the case of abuse. No is a very important word, or somebody's taking you further than you want to go in any sense. No. And you know, Jesus said said it this way. And I actually shared this verse in just a minute. He said, Let your yes be yes and your No be no look. Our words have a have an incredible ability to define our space and we use our words. Um, we use our words to help people know how to treat us, and they help know what's acceptable us and what's not acceptable to us. Now. What about when somebody asked you to do something that you don't want to dio? But you say yes anywhere. Well, first of all, that's no good. What's this? You said all you need to say simply, yes or no. Anything else is from that comes from the evil one May I never thought about like this. But when you say yes with your mouth But you say no in your heart just Oh, just gave one up for the devil that just came from the evil one. You may tell you why you end up resenting the person. My southerners are terrible, right? Aren't we? We're terrible for saying yes, with our mouth and though with our hearts. But I want you to understand something is okay to say no. It's okay to say yes if I ever ask you for something, but, um, but it's actually okay to say no. And some people feel like if you say no, they're like, just give me a second. Hang on. Say, we didn't talk about this in a and they will talk you down, right? Until you finally say yes. But what does that do for your relationship? Sometimes you hating people. But the reason you hate them or you resent them hates maybe too strong a word. But you resent them because they got you to do something that you just didn't really want to do. Here's the deal is probably not worth anything in eternity. Just so you know, when you say integrity, do you know what the definition of integrity is? The thing that you say is the thing that you are, there's integrity. That means it's this, like 14 karat gold. You say something's 14 karat gold you tested. It is full of 14 karat gold. You could say that that gold has integrity. And so for us, we say, yes, we want our yes toe actually be authentic, right? I mean, after all, if we're talking in the context of relationship, do you really want somebody to tell you? Yes. And on the inside they're hating your guts because that's what happens over time. But I want you to know if somebody gets you to do that, it's not their fault. That's your fault. That you were hula hoop, right? And we use words to help define and show people how to treat us. Who do you want to say? No. To helps you maybe like maybe irresponsible people. Somebody that's not taking control, not taken responsibility for their backpacker there Who? Luke. But they're always actually to bail them out for the you know, And we talked about this last week didn't way. That consequences are actually a wonderful thing, because consequences give us, ah, feedback loop. This based in reality. But every time you rescue something, rescue someone else for their lack of responsibility. Like bailout a friend one time. But you continue to build out a friend. You're actually killing them. You're hurting them. You're actually you're enabling them. If you would like a psychological term, right, you become the enabler because you're not letting them experience the pain of their decision because you're rescuing them from the paint into their decision. Now, God created the law, the farm so that people will learn that the things they so were the things that they're going to read, right? But you're you're creating subterfuge in that feedback loop that God has actually set up himself. You're tracking with me. So it's important. Sometimes I say, actually, no, I can't give your or No, I can't do your homework for you or no, I can't bill you out this time. Yes, tracking with me. The bible says if you rescue an angry person, you know we cause a lot of damage with anger. Anger is not inherently bad. The bottom says Be angry and sin not, but people that sending their anger fit of rage is actually a work of the flesh comes from the same passage about reaping what you sow. Same exact chapter. Um, what was I saying about that? The Bible says in Proverbs, If you bail out an angry person, if you fix it because I messed something up with their anger, it says you're gonna have to do it again. So was the implication. Don't build them out. That's not the Christian thing to do. Actually, it is the Christian thing to do is what the Bible says. That's where truth helps us. So simply saying yes, it was wonderful, though. When you say yes and you have boundaries, that means I what Rick says, Hey, Josh, here we have coffee sometime and I say, Yes, my, yes, actually has worth right because I'm I mean it. I'm not saying though I hold you in my heart. That's not good for relationship, is it? And that goes back to teaching Number one. We talked about boundaries. The the distinctness of per persons is essential for us to have real relationships. So anyway, simply. Yes. Can you practice this? Can you look at your never Just say no. If that seems a little too harsh, I'm gonna give you phrase that will work for you. Okay. You can write this down and get tattooed if you want to, But you can say that won't work for me. That won't work for me. Another one you could say is that we were for me right now. I can't. I would, but I can't do that right now. Right? I'm saying you're doing this a very important surgery where you're rescuing a person from sudden death and somebody asked you to take out the trash for them because they forgot to. If you have no boundaries, you're gonna let the person die that you're working on and go do whatever the because it's urgent for them. You're going to do the urgent thing. But what you could say is no. Or you could say that won't work for me. Could you say that? Or you could say I would. I can't. Right now. You create a boundary with your words. It's not that hard, right? It's actually a good thing. And then when your Yes is. Yes, you gotta Yes, and that's that's tremendously valuable. All right, here. Got just a couple more. Another way that you can make a boundary. This is especially the case of abuse or something like that is create distance. If I'm saying no to you and my I know you're just walking right past my No. Then I can step out right in the context of a marriage. If you're in a fight with your spouse and you're shouting each other down, you're not honoring each other's No or not. I'm on each other's that. Look, don't storm off. The silent treatment is not a great technique. Okay, but what you can say, Hey, I'm in this thing. I love you, but it does not seem like we're doing very well right now. If you speak that way, I'm going to step out. If that's if this is the way it goes, I'm gonna step out. And sometimes it's one of the best things you can do for each other, right? Is to get just a little bit of distance. The purpose is not toe some of us. We do this and we withdraw, but you've got to remember that the overarching purpose is relationship. We're trying to do relationship in a healthy way. So our love is, you know, dancing This whole book called Keep Your Love on Ideas. I'm staying towards the person in my heart, but I But I have enough value for my treasure and my pearls to not let them get stomped upon you. Value yourself. Other people will value as well. So distance is a great way. And it could be temporarily or it could be a situation. You know, I know situations like this where there has to be more distance than that for there to be safety. And that's okay, right? That is one way that you can create a boundary. Another one is time. Sometimes way we are, we're good with people. We serve people. We love people. But then there there might be a person that just really gets on your nerves and that you want put their eyeballs out. Right? And but that wouldn't be the Christian thing to do with it. Right? So what you could do is just take a little time away from them because you're protecting the goose. That's all you're doing. Did you come back right now. I hope that you guys are gonna put anybody's eyeballs. That okay is that just use it doesn't go well. But seriously, though, it might just be that there's a rub and what you need is time. I discovered this awesome thing on Facebook. It says, Would you like to snooze this person for 30 days? I felt really powerful with this. I don't know if you guys understand something. I am the kind of person I love people. I like people. I like talking to people. I like seeing people. I like people and ah, have a bit towards not want to hurt anybody's feelings, right? It's like that. And so for me, I probably a long time on Facebook. I would not unfriend or or snooze somebody, even though they wouldn't know. It is just part of my I don't want to do that, you know. But then I realized that I'm responsible for my and I just This is neat little thing. Sometimes the people, you know, just bragging only brag on themselves so much. And I'm just like, you know what? I can snooze that. And then sometimes people, you know, maybe It's growth Tasker awful. Or just so it just really gets on my nerves. Is this who is in charge of my Facebook experience? Is it Mark Zuckerberg? Is he in charge of my who? He's not. And here's the thing. We blame people for our lives when all you gotta do is press news for 30 days. I don't want unfollowed this person. I just need a break. Look, some of us need to just press news. Your goal is not to cut them off. We love each other within the body of Christ. We love each other. That's not our goal is just say, I'm taking my toys and going home. No, that's not our goal. Our goal is restored. Relationship. Our goal is healthy relationship. But there might be things that art is healthy and you need to press news, right? And then there are other cases where you have tow unfriend, and I mean that metaphorically and literally. But you have to you are responsible for your hula hoop. And you know, in the case of Scripture, when there was a unfriending that went on, really the purpose of it was that the person that was Aaron or the person that was sending the person that was choosing a negative behavior. The hope was is that the loss of relationship would actually get them to wake up to reality so that the relationship could be restored. Does that ultimately, what got value to write a love relationship. So time, Um, one more thing I want to tell you I'm almost done, by the way is is rituals, rituals, Um and, uh and I don't mean like a rain dance. I mean, more like like having dinner together. We can have things built in our life that actually create boundaries that are healthy. Like if you want your family to interface, Um, you know, several times a week where everybody's together. Well, then say OK on this night, you know, Taco Tuesday on Taco Tuesday. Everybody's at the table. We all come to the table. This is just it's a decision that we make. It's a ritual or a family tradition, if you will. That we make because of the thing we're trying to protect is our closeness is a family, right? So we have the ritual in place that helps us. I'll tell you another ritual that I think is extremely important is church attendance. Don't decide every Sunday whether you're going to go to church or not, but make the decision that when I'm at church, I'm in a place because you know, Paul said, I don't care not Paul. Somebody else. Don't get the writer of Hebrews. Don't give up meeting together as the habit of summit. There's some that have given up that habit, but it's a habit. It's a habit. It's a habit that you want to have in place because it helps define boundaries. It helps protect you against the wolves that are out there that want to eat your lunch. The only thing about the wolves that are out there that want your launches, they're not just biting wolf. They're lying wolves. And so you know, like the three little pigs you know he's trying. They're trying to psych you out. So what? Something happens when we come together as the body of Christ and it's this, Jesus says, If any two or three gather in my name, I'm in their mist. So we have a regular way that we're encountering him. That's all. The only way we won't encounter him. But that's a major way, right? And then I've got one more. You ready? Last one other thing that will help you create boundaries. Let me give you a verse first weight, I think, just, like actually deleted my slide on accident the other way that helping create bandages. Other people, This is especially important area of addiction or something like that is where you're having a trouble creating a boundary to keep you safe. You have a behavior that you just like out. If you can have another person that you're talking to say, Hey, you help me be accountable not to let you on my toes. I have this really bad having a tune on my toes, and I need somebody that can walk with me and not doing that. That's not very good for your your social life. Okay, so just don't do that. But you have a hard time with It's just this thing. You do well, you need a buddy you need. You need somebody who can say, Hey, don't go there. That's where they choose their toes. Don't go to that place. You need a person because you'll talk yourself into thinking that it's okay to go there because after all, I mean, I haven't seen you bite your toes there in a while. I'm gonna go, but inevitable. You go there and you're cheering your toes again. That's pretty gross. And you all just use that as a metaphor for things that you know that aren't right that you do. Having a buddy can help you having a person. And you know they're helping you with your hula hoop, right? They're helping you build the walls like name. I came back to Israel to help build the walls of Jerusalem because the walls are what kept that kept the things out. And here's a verse for you says in Proverbs 17 17 of Friend Loves at all times. And a brother is born for a time of adversity. And here's the thing. We need each other right further our moments of adversity. That's for more information about the oaks. Visit the oaks dot org. Thanks for listening