The Oaks Church, Josh Hallmark

2. Boundaries - Protecting Your Value

October 07, 2019 Josh Hallmark
The Oaks Church, Josh Hallmark
2. Boundaries - Protecting Your Value
Chapters
The Oaks Church, Josh Hallmark
2. Boundaries - Protecting Your Value
Oct 07, 2019
Josh Hallmark

Part two in a series. God has given you a space that is uniquely you. Boundaries help define and protect the valuable treasure God has invested in you. Healthy boundaries also work like a gate that helps you to let the good in, while keeping the bad out. Boundaries are necessary to help you obey God's assignments for your life.

Show Notes Transcript

Part two in a series. God has given you a space that is uniquely you. Boundaries help define and protect the valuable treasure God has invested in you. Healthy boundaries also work like a gate that helps you to let the good in, while keeping the bad out. Boundaries are necessary to help you obey God's assignments for your life.

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I am Josh Hallmark, and I want to thank you for listening to one of the oaks podcasts. Remember this message from Isaiah? Chapter 61. God takes the seeds of Brokenness and turns them in tow oaks of righteousness. And that's you. You got to do something with me today. This is what I do in Chapel, and I dont really always get you guys to do this. But would you stand with me while we read God's word together? Let's look at this verse again. We're in a Siri's right now called boundaries. Let's look at this verse. Can we actually read this together, carry each other's burdens? And in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he has something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one of us should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself without comparing himself to somebody else. For each one should carry his own load. Very good. That's a mouthful. How you could be seeing thank you, even neighbor High five that while you're sitting down just so they know that you love them, especially if it's your significant other uh, huh? You? Yeah, I'm doing this same. Siri's with the kids. Of course. We broke it down a little differently for them, but actually borrowed a slide from this week to put into this one that we did. But yeah, we're so we're in serious right now, talking about boundaries, taking charge of you. And really, what we talked about is there is a space that is called you and God has called you to rule over that space called you. We'll talk about this. Actually, I'm going to do a little review here, and I'm gonna try to speak quickly. Okay. So pleasantries, Pleasantries. I love you guys. You're amazing. You're the greatest people on earth. And I'm so honored. Pastor, You guys, let's talk about this. What is it? Boundary? A boundary defines what is me and what is not me. Let me mention this real quick. I just ordered this. I just got this in yesterday. I read this book years ago, and it set a fire in May. This is called boundaries. Um, how to say yes, How to say no to take control of your life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. These guys, they're counselors, but they is. Anybody read this book before. Oh, great. This is a great book. There's a whole Siris of these. There's bound. This is what kicked out. But this is probably the first book that I read about boundaries. There's a lot of it's It's a whole genre of thought, if you will, but they have boundaries and marriage boundaries. Kids boundaries with Ted boundaries, all these kind of different boundary books. But they have these these boundary books, and it's so good it applies at the different context. But a boundary simple enough defines what I am and what I am not. And we talked about last week that for me to be a distinctive person is actually a requirement for us to have relationship. Does that make sense? If we overrun each other, that's that's not relationship. It's relationship when there were separate and by our choice and by our free wheel, which used to connect and relate to one another. And that's kind of our relationship works for the Lord to so boundary defines what is me, what is not me, and if we can identify what is me and what is not me, then we can define what? I'm responsible too and what I'm responsible for. And what does that mean? What am I responsible to? You know, the Bible assist don't owe no man anything except the UN ending debt toe love one another. So we always owe it to each other toe love each other. So having a boundary does not mean that you could be a jerk, right? No, it's just I have a sense of who I am. I have a sense of you are always owe it to you to love you. I'm responsible to you, toe love you. But I'm not responsible for you. I'm not responsible for that, which is in in your hula hoop. And that's the metaphor that I've been using with the kids at the school. Is that what is inside your hula hoop? That's the That's a metaphor we've been using. I've been saying this all week. By the way, when kids were in my office and we're talking, I'm like, That's not your hula hoop. That sure who, even with cats and we were hanging out with Katherine? There you go. Yeah, I've told one kid this week. I said that sounds like that's in your teachers who that's not your, um so ah, boundary defines them responsible to whom? Responsive before. And if we can get that we have a sense of what ownership owners remember. The thing we talked about last week is that the mule are the horse that belongs to two people starves, right? The horse of to Master starves because he thinks I'm gonna feed it. And I think he's gonna fit. And that horse doesn't make it very long. Nay. All right, so it helps us establish ownership. Now let's look this verse and I think this is really powerful. Galatians 5 22 says The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, Patience. That's for Barents. Kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and others control. No, that's not what it says, is it? It is self control. Isn't that interesting That that's a fruit of the spirit? Did you guys understand that the Holy Spirit has self control? He does not have others control. Is that fascinating? How many of us try to have others control? What about when somebody tells, you know and you just yell a little bit louder to try to force them to get to do what you want to do. Oh, that's not self control. That's that's control. Maybe that's maybe you forcing your way, Maybe have a good point. It might be all that, but self control is actually what God is asking of us. And he's not only asking it, he does it himself. Plus, it is something that he offers. It's a fruit of the spirit. So when we just like we want to encounter love, we want encounter joy, we won't encounter patients, right? We need these fruits of the spirit in our life. We need these qualities of the Holy Spirit, a fruit of the spirit. It's something that God gives off, right? It's a fruit of the spirit is something he produces. It is the the sweet nectar of what comes off of his person. If you want to know what God feels like, he feels like peace. He feels like love. He feels like joy. But isn't it amazing that he also feels like self control? In other words, God says in your presence I'm gonna manage. May I want you to manage you, but I'm gonna give you the ability to manage you It's the fruit of the spirit. Self control. Right. So tell your neighbor of the devil didn't make you do it. You got in the car with him. You put your foot on the same gas power pedal is he did right. The devil doesn't make it. Sometimes we just come into agreement with him. So we saw that so self control. So it shows us what we're responsible to, what we're responsible for. We're responsible to each other. The Bible says to help bear one another's burdens adverse. We read together, bear one another's burdens. So you fulfill the law of Christ. What is the law of Christ? Remember what Jesus said? The whole law is summed up in two things. Love God with all your heart, soul strength. And let me never said so. The whole law you can love God love your neighbor about loving people is how you fulfill the law across what's helping each other bear the burdens Burden here means a heavyweight that can't be carried alone in the Greek. It's boulder. It's a boulder. We bear each other's boulders. Some of us have things that happened our lives that are beyond our control and we need each other to help each other carry our boulders. Right. But then the other recorded Each one should carry his own load. That is more like a manageable load. It's a knapsack or backpack. And, uh, this is the one that I shared pulled from my, um my teaching from chapel this week is you see this picture of this backpack? What is in your backpack, Miss Diane, you heard this. Always tells one thing. Your your, uh, sorry effort. We'll go to you next time your effort. Here's the question. What do you responsible for? Are you responsible for your effort or somebody else responsible for your effort? How many of us at our job say they're not working hard, so I'm gonna love myself. Whoa, man, That gives them a lot of power in your life, Right When you're totally Q and off there, who? But what is in our who? Who are we going to stand before when we die? Who did Paul say? You should work as though you are working for Christ himself. So that's our hula hoop, right? So that is actually a hula hoop. If you see that right there and I'll give you another one, Miss Diane Attitude. Very good. Let me ask you a question. Anybody ever just make you mad? You know, this is a trick question, right? No. And it made me so much. It was really awesome Friday night. It made me so mad. Did they make me man, or did I choose to be mad and maybe a little loud? What's that? I was not my jewelry, mom, but I did return to joy. Yeah. So, uh, we choose to be made all right? Nobody makes you mad. If they make you mad, then that gives them all the power. And this happens a lot. By the way, when husbands and wives fight, they have to outdo each other on how ugly they get. And they might get louder and louder. Or Mainer and Maynor. Oh, yeah? Well, what about this? Oh, yeah. What about this? Oh, yeah. Biz. You always. You never. Um So, in other words, I'm My behavior is solely based on you because I have to out do what you just said. But who has the power? That's too powerless. People having a conversation, by the way, because neither one of them can control themselves. But what is the spirit given us others control? Uh huh. Usually, by the way, just so you know, when we really get mad, we really get angry. Is when we feel powerless. That is the moment that we really have a fit of rage is when we feel powerless. Is that interesting? Because, like, I'll give you example. I used to have a step dad that abused my mom. He would beat her up. You get drunk. This so it's very, very, uh ah. Fluid house. But a nice house had nice everything. You never know what was going on, you know. And, um, I realized at some point he seems so big to me. Especially when I was a kid. He was a big man. He always wore blue jeans and cowboy boots and ah, but, uh, Heywood e. I guess he seemed towering to me. But I just realized as I became an adult and started learn about some of this stuff that his anger and his the way that he spoke to my mom and the way he talked to her, it was because he was felt like he was powerless No, my mom. I know her. She could probably come up with some things to say, you know? But he didn't rule over him. I felt like, Oh, when you're secretly afraid, you sometimes you're the loudest. You get that. And that's weird because it would sing backwards like that. Somebody that's loud and commanding that they're powerful, But maybe it's because they feel little. And that's just a compensation. Right? But God wants us to be big on the inside. We don't always have to be super loud, you know, even with the devil, you have to yell at him. He gets attention. He responds to authority, not volume, right? Sometimes I get loud. Just so you know, I don't have anything against that. So you're responsible for what? Your effort right? Or somebody else responsible for your effort. See boundaries help clarify that you're responsible for your attitude. Yeah. Know that Rev made me so mad. But that that that girl Wal Mart at the counter she was so rude. So I just told her a piece of you know, I'm not saying you can't respond to somebody, but if you act like a complete idiot and totally give away your witness for Jesus because of something they did and who had the power. Was that you or was there? And here's the ultimate thing is that God does not think you're a victim. He thinks you're powerful. The reason I know this is because he's gonna hold you accountable. So he must think that you have the power, right? So our effort, our attitude, what about this were also responsible for our stuff? I was in my closet this morning looking and look, I can blame a lot on our kids, okay? And I just thought, Oh, my, I'm not Honestly, I thought my clothes is not that bad. There's some things, you know. It could be cleaner and some stuff, but just the thought hit me. And I guess that's why I'm sharing it. I was like, This is 100% you, Josh, there is no kid has been in here. The anything you have to say about this closet, it's on you. It was common. Empowering moment really is I start over. If I have the power to miss it up, also have the power to clean it up. Right? Anyway, our stuff we're responsible for our stuff, be it our stuff, stuff or the stuff of life. And then I have one more. This was actually I thought I changed this. Oh, this is This is literally from chapel. You're responsible for your trash. Um, that's the message I'm preaching at home right now, too. What it was supposed to say. I'm so sorry. Hang on. Watch this. This is actually what I meant for you to see. I was not gonna put the trash went on. You kind of know that already. Effort added to stuff and suspense we've built up for this moment reaction. You're responsible for your reaction, right? Our reaction. I already feel like I've already said this, but when you realized Oh, I'm in control of me on a good day, right? Can't control others, But I can control myself on a good day. I mean, the Holy Spirit walking together got self control. I'm working on this that it's an empowering feeling. I want to understand that I have power. So let's look at this bear each other's burdens. Each one should carry his own. Look, Now the last thing And we talked about this last week I want to just kind of start here. I don't have that much this year today. Except that, um one thing that you need to know about a boundary is it's not the same as a wall. It's more like a fence with a gate. And because we need gates, we need to be able to let bad out. We need to look good in people that have walls that don't talk to anybody. That's not a boundary. If you have a wall and you won't talk to people that that turmoil that you have, like Holly made a powerful decision in her story that she told us today the powerful decision was I'm actually gonna talk about this with this person. I'm gonna bring this into the light, and it really brought about restoration and healing. It's a really powerful story, but you can choose to isolate and build a wall in a wall, actually, hymns in the jump. Have you ever talked to someone you had eel feelings or there's been paying? You talk to somebody about it. You know who I got that off? My I feel better. I feel better after being able to release that from out of my person. If you build, if it's just a wall, then you can't do that right. If you want people off the same wall that keeps people out will also kick Jesus out. It's the same wall. He's relational, just like people are. And I promise you, as you learn to relate to the living God in a better way, you will automatically begin to relate to other people in a healthy way. It's the same God is a person tracking with me. So s so We want to be able to keep, uh, good in also, and we want to keep bad out. And here's the point is something that you need to know. Jesus talked about not casting our pearls before swine, right? Don't just let anybody come in and trample on your pearls. Right Put offense. It's like we want to keep the pigs out. We want to keep the pearls in right, And there's this thing. I read this book. I'm trying to remember what it was called. I can't remember, but it's by a guy named Malcolm Gladwell, and he talks about this, um, this thing called the Broken Window Effect and it is this, you know, it's just psychological phenomenon that you know, if you ride by somewhere and you see a building with a window broken, what's the next thing that you're going to see? You're going to see more windows broken. And then after that, you know graffiti on the wall. It here's the idea is when people see a broken window, there's a perception that that place has no value. But here's the deal. Inside of each one of you, God has placed treasure. You actually are the treasure in the field that God came to give everything for to get out of the field. So I'm saying you're really valuable to the Lord. And the problem is, Is that when we are a door or I'm sorry, we're a house with no door. So the doors, those air, the boundaries right, the windows, those air, the boundaries. If we're a house with no boundaries, then what? The treasure that is in us. What is the treasure? It's our It's our person who we are. It's our time. It's our resource is it's our energy, and when we allow people without any boundaries to come in, they will stop on us, but ultimately they will perceive no value in us. I'm gonna say something that I was not a Christian when I first started playing football, but I remember in the locker room topics of certain females who had no value for themselves. And none of the guys had value for me either. And they would do whatever they could because they fit like there was no boundary. But at the end of the day, the perception was also no value, and that's that's tough. And here's the deal. You have toe have value for yourself or you'll let people run over you. You have to have value. You have to have value for yourself because you're protecting the pearls that God is that you are. You're protecting the pearls. You're not throwing your pearls before swine because the Bible says Jesus himself said. If you cast your pearls before swine, they we'll trample your pearls. They will turn and trample you. Oh, he does understand something. How is it that Jesus cries? He said. This is what he said. There is his daughter. Her name was it was his name is J. Aris, J. R R said Jesus. Where you here? My daughter. Jesus says, Yeah, let's just say she was over there. Okay? Jesus has this throng of people around him. Everybody. They were sort of like swine, if you will. They were all trying to get a little piece of Jesus because they had needs. And they perceived that he had a treasure. Do you understand that? People around you all the time that have lots of needs, right? They had needs G here is that this is crazy. Guys, don't you think about this. Jesus said, I'm going, Uh, I'm gonna come over there to Jr's Jr's I'm gonna come here. Your daughter. OK, I hear you got you between here and there is a lot of people that want Jesus attention. So many people that Jesus is walking. And there's this woman that touches him, who has an issue. Blood. She presses through the crowd, touches him, and she's healed, right? And and she says, and Jesus is like what? He's on his way to Jairus daughter. And he's around people that have lots of needs, okay? And he's pressing past needs to meet certain needs. What I'm saying is, Jesus, Jesus can meet all needs. But in this context he was guarding the word that he gave. That was one thing he gave his word. He's keeping his word to go do that. But secondly, he said, the only do what I see the father doing. So he didn't just land on the planet. Go bless you didn't just throw a bless you cloud like a big thing of dust and Blitzer But he was actually human Person had had limited resource is as a human. Okay, now he had the spirit without measure But I'm saying he was in time in a body on Lee could be at one place at one time and that's one of the Holy Spirit, so powerful, he said. If I leave, the Holy Spirit comes who was in all of us so that But anyway, go back to Jesus. He is in control of him. He gives his word to go over there. The people are pushing up against him so much that the dialogue between him and the disciples is this Jesus said who touched me. I felt power come out of me and he was like scene and a and she was healed and Whoa! What was that? Oh, I felt I know. I felt it morning. All of a sudden, I know that healing and mourning. I know what it feels like. And they're, you know, went somewhere and he's like, who touched me, you know, and she's like, uh um, and he's like, No, you have great faith. But anyway, his disciples like, what are you talking about? Who touched you? People are pushing up against you from every direction. So this is the context that Jesus was being powerful in is in a context where people were all around him. The swine, if you will. And I'm sorry, not common pigs. But they were pressing in hand and he pushed them out to get the Jr's his daughter. Did he get to her? Yes, he did. Because he keeps his word right. God wants us to keep our word to. But can you keep your word? If when you're on your way to J Irises dollar, you forget. Oh, I need to do this. You all Look, I get distracted. Law. That's a disclaimer. Okay, But I'm saying that's not anybody else's fault. That asked me for something when I have something that I need to do. Who is in charge of my hula hoop? It's May. What if you had a need that came up? I'm, uh what if I said I'm so sorry? I'll take care that when I can, but I told J. R. Says daughter, I'm gonna come over there, pray for her. She wants to enroll in school or something like that, Right? I said I'll be there. Jesus said let us be. Yes, you know me. Know. Right? So I need to do that. He does that. Um, but then this happens. This happened. This happens. We see I have a choice to make it that moment. Am I gonna manage May by what I feel like the Holy Spirit's telling me to do. Or am I gonna be dictated by the throng of needs that around me? You know, we will have needs around us always. But we do have to be obedient to what God tells to do right and will often be distracting or some of the times it's weird. The laurel tell you to do something, and immediately there's an integrity check that comes with it. Somebody told me one time. Hey, I really felt laurels me connect with your church, and they were really gifted person. And, um uh, an opportunity came for a different, a different venue, different thing right after that. And they have not been to church since then that I could think of. And now I don't judge them, you know, because I don't have the back up, my lord, you know, But I know in my own life, a lot of times when the Lord gives me a word about something I don't know if you call it a the devil test in it or an integrity check from the Lords like, um, was his name Abraham, right. You know, God's like, I'm gonna give you this and these, Like we give yourself just just testing, you know? I don't know. I know that the Lord is not trying to trip us up. He wants any test that God gives us it so that we can pass so they can promote us. But what I'm saying is we are in charge of us. That's what I'm trying to go back to say. Tell your neighbors so that I can go onto the next thought. say, Look, I'm going to Jr's his house. I'm gonna get there. Bless the Lord with my hula hoop. Okay, So boundaries where they do they help us protect treasure, right boundaries. Help us protect those pearls that are you. And here's the thing. I want you to know that you're actually valuable on what you carry is valuable. Sometimes we're treated were not very valuable. And sometimes people do perceive the treasure that's in us and everybody wants a piece. And, um but it's up to us ultimately to say, because sometimes me see real quick. I had some notes that I want to share that are No, that's it. So, um, tango, they protect the treasures. This is what the Bible says. This is probably actually my favorite verses in the whole Bible. Proverbs 4 23 And it says, above all else, guard your heart. That implies a certain space that you have. Boundaries are not just physical by the way. Boundaries air also spiritually and they're invisible like like most of the boundaries, that interpersonal you can't see them right? But your heart, the space that is your heart God and trust you to guard it So if you're guarding your heart, that implies that it's it's a thing that you guard. So here's a question. Um, when do you need boundaries? You need boundaries when working harder is not working, you live. Just work hard. I just work hard. You might be working just harder and harder and harder things that you can never you can. It will never work out. It also need boundaries when you're you're being nice out of fear. I think Southern people sometimes have a hard time with this. Have a hard time saying I can't do that or no, because it wouldn't it didn't seem right. Doesn't seem, you know, it violates the norm that we have. But sometimes you don't go to Jr's his house because, um and Juju came over and she sad because, you know, her husband passed away 10 years ago, and she still sad about that. And she's feeling lonely about that. Even though it has been 10 years, she's like, Could you just stay with me? Oh, I don't want to impose that's what she says, right. But I want, um, I wanna hang out with you for about 10 hours. So anyway, you're being nice out of fear. That might mean that you need some boundaries or you just think you should also, when you tend to fix things for people that they get themselves in that same situation over and over. So somebody gets himself in a pickle over and over, and you bailed them out, over and over. What are you doing for them? You're taking responsibility for their hula hoop. But God didn't ask you to take responsibility for their who. What you're actually doing is you're empowering them to do wrong because they do wrong and they get a different consequence and they should get from that consequence. You know the law. The farm says you reap what you sow escalations 5 22 So if you reap what you sow to see their so in, but they're not reaping whether soon because you're getting in their way. And you thought you were just being a good Christian, right? The Bible says in proverbs that if you build an angry person out, somebody that has a fit of rage, somebody that causes trouble with their anger, if you build them out, you will have to do it again. that's what it says. So the implication is you need to let them experience the consequences of their decisions that happen in their hula hoop A man. Okay. Oh, you might need boundaries if you avoid conflict at all costs. If you just say, Look, I'll comply with whatever As long as we don't loans, there's nothing. No, I do not like conflict. I get terrified with conflict, right? But sometimes there has to be. Communication doesn't have to be ugly, right, cause you're in control of you. But this is really important that we don't try to build other people out, and we avoid conflict at all costs. I had a teachers meeting earlier this year, and the teacher was afraid of giving a student a zero for class participation. Even though he wasn't student wasn't doing anything. And I said, You have to give him a zero. Because if you don't you create a false feedback loop. Guys, we need feedback loops in our life. We need to experience the consequences of our decisions, because if we don't we get some illusion in our mind. But if you're always bailing somebody else out, they will not take. They are living with an illusion. And here's the thing. That student I remember you saying, Hey, Mr Josh, I gotta be in that class. I'm good. I said, Well, look, I told you teach here that you should get a zero on such a such a grade. Because I want you to know that this type of effort equals this type of gray. And so this is what we need in our lives. We need, ah, feedback loop. But sometimes we get in the way of other people's feedback loops. Right? Because what happens when you experience the pain? I'll tell you one more quick story, and I've got the land. The plane there's is that this is actually a story. It's in this book. But I heard a different version of it, So I don't know if they were two different stories or if it's the same. That got convoluted. There's just Dad and this mom that come to the counselor. They say, I need you to fix my son. I need you to fix my son, and then ah, OK. Where is he? Oh, he didn't want go, huh? He doesn't think he has a problem. Well, the counselor says maybe he doesn't have a problem. You know the parents little home. You know, I'm paying you here, you know? And they're like, OK, tell me about this story. Will, you know our son? We way send to college. We didn't We didn't want to work. We warned him toe be ableto enjoy social life and have playing time of study. And, you know, there's different thoughts on that's totally fine. But wait, we did that. And then he hit up. You know, I'm maybe embellishing the story. Some He started drinking a lot and doing drugs, and, you know, he's really, um he had a hard time getting kicked out of school, but we just thought maybe that's not the right school for him. So we we enrolled him in another school that we thought was maybe a better fit for him. And anyway, now he's at that same place again. He's flunking out, and, you know, he's just partying all the time. And so, you know, on further questioning Well, you know who's paying for his, um, his pain for his apartment? Well, we are, you know, spend for school. Well, we are, And the counselor What he said is is that Oh, well, your son doesn't have a problem at all. I mean, he's got a nice place to live. Get a car. He's got money by, you know, booze with. He's got everything that he needs. And, um and so it sounds like you're the one that got the problem. Would you like for your son to have a problem? Because if he doesn't have a problem, he hasn't no reason to change, just like that grade that I was telling you about. And so this is why it's really important. It's loving you. See? You see how it could not be loving to try to do something that seems loving. Seems Christian Lee. But this feedback, like he's like what we could do if you would stop And you know the parents, what do they start? They started being in power. Oh, oh, I don't I thought I was just helping him out, but actually I'm ruining his life by empowering him. And so we have to figure out how we're doing that, you know, because some of us we do that, too. It might not be that drafted right? It's easy for us to see that, but all Oh, yeah, you know, but sometimes we 10 to build somebody out over and over and over again when they didn't do the work. You know, like I told you guys a story about last week. Your roommate in college, doesn't He? Stays up all night playing fortnight. And then you stayed up studying for an exam, and he's like, Hey, but you still got a chapter to that. You need to study this morning. Hey, man, can you take me to class? You have a decision? No, I like Oh, it's the Christian Lee thing for me to take him to class. Or is it because he woke up late or is it a Christian? We think for me to continue studying that's a boundary. That's a decision you have to make. And you have to live with that decision. So how do we establish banners? I'm going to give you one little one. Little start here. What? This is where we'll pick up next week is the first way that you establish invisible boundaries because they're invisible, right? I mean, not in the Not in the natural, You know your backyard offense all that those air boundaries with gates, right? We let him in and out. But the invisible world the first way that we established boundaries is by using our words. Look, we teach people by the things we say how to treat us. I heard a study. Maybe this is a Ted talk recently that talked about lying and that lying is large. This was just a theory, but that lying is largely involved with the person that's receiving the lie about how much they tolerate of it. Is that how far this person will go? I thought That's an interesting thought, but we communicate boundaries like if somebody is gossiping about someone else and they're really dishonoring somebody that's not present, I said a boundary with my words, How much of that I'm gonna receive? I hate it because, you know, occasionally people get poisoned towards our church toward our school because of things that people say. But you have a choice to make. Whether you receive that, see that boundaries that keep bad out. They keep good in right, and you can establish a band you by saying something I don't know about that. I you know, I liked it, I think is a great guy. And I'm not only protecting my I'm not only protecting Ted, but I'm protecting our relationship because I know that that's not true. That hurting makes anything about you, by the way, only good stuff. Uh, are you guys tracking what I'm saying? Or, you know, you established bands you Matteo. A word that you can use is no no, you the world knows that. It's funny. I will tell you something. You tell somebody. No, they have to work hard. Move past that. He's not crazy that you can lay down a boundary just by saying the word note. It could be I mean, a little kid could walk and say no and you're gonna have to work to get past that. So no, it is a word that you can actually use. And it's not ungodly, right? God has things that he says no to. Here's God has boundaries, right? You ever read in the new gruesome as banners dimensions, but actually he has bandages, releases. I will relate to people this way. I will not to relate to people this way. He chooses how he relates to people and maybe we'll get more into that later. But in God's word, he says things that he likes. I like it when you do this. He says things that he doesn't like. And so we automatically know by reading the Bible what God's boundaries are. But see, you do the same thing. You do the exact same thing with your words as you establish boundaries with people. And you can say yes, you can say no. Right? So if you say yes to Jr's his daughter, whatever that is, whether it's like a certain job. So your boss gives you a certain job, says, Hey, Josh, I need you to get this load over here and build that structure, you know? So you have a responsibility, right? But then all this other stuff happens. You might have to tell somebody. I'm sorry. I can't do that. Try that with me. You know, somebody else comes up to take Josh. Can you help me? This piece of equipment is broken, and your boss told me I got to do this by the end of the day. This guy has a flat tire. Ah, can't. You could have problems off. Maybe Mr Jerry could come over and help him, right? You make a problem style, but if you're trying to do your hula hoop first, that's not necessarily unselfish, right? It's actually fulfilling a commitment that you had. And so and I know there's some give and take on these things. But sometimes we let every request rule us. When that is a seat, that's a CD without walls, that is a house without doors and windows. And so what you want to be able to say, So one word is no right. And I know that maybe we feel well to sanctify sometime to just say no. So maybe we could say this will give you guys a phrase and this could be a tattoo idea if you want to, maybe not put it on the bottom of your foot. That would hurt, but say that won't work for me. You write that one down. You need to remember that phrase. I'm sorry that that won't work for me right now, you know? So that's what you know, Josh. You don't want to be mean. It's when your coworkers, you say that won't work for me right now. Soon as I get that done? I can help you. You see what I'm saying? But that is that's you managing your hula hoop. And your words are actually what lays that bounder down. A man got it. You receive it. All right, let's stand. All right, Lord Jesus, We just pray this morning that you would help us to establish healthy boundaries. Got we don't want walls in our life. We want healthy boundaries that will help us relate to one another in a godly way in a way that brings life to us in a way that helps us to be fully alive. Lord, I also asked this just for may personally Lord, help me toe have boundaries in a way that make me fully alive. And I pray that same prayer for every person that's under the sound of my voice. Help us get this. Help us learn this. Help us dig into this Siri's and learn some new skills Way. For more information about the Ope's visit the oaks dot org, thanks for listening