The Oaks Church, Josh Hallmark

1. Boundaries - Taking Charge of You

September 30, 2019 Josh Hallmark
The Oaks Church, Josh Hallmark
1. Boundaries - Taking Charge of You
Chapters
The Oaks Church, Josh Hallmark
1. Boundaries - Taking Charge of You
Sep 30, 2019
Josh Hallmark

The idea of boundaries enables us to identify where we end and others begin. Understanding ours and other's distinctiveness provides a starting point for all relationships. Boundaries also help us establish ownership over what is ours providing another beginning point for personal responsibility. It's time to take charge. 

Show Notes Transcript

The idea of boundaries enables us to identify where we end and others begin. Understanding ours and other's distinctiveness provides a starting point for all relationships. Boundaries also help us establish ownership over what is ours providing another beginning point for personal responsibility. It's time to take charge. 

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I am Josh Hallmark, and I want to thank you for listening to one of the oaks podcasts. Remember this message from Isaiah? Chapter 61 God takes the seeds of Brokenness and turns them in tow Oaks of righteousness. And that's you, our morning service. Don't forget that, Uh, were in a serious right now called the heart of a hero with our kids Have your kids in here and you want to go in their genders in their with the kids. Let's stop and pray for them real quick. Jesus, we thank you that you are moving in our kid's ministry and we just pray, Lord, that you put your hand on them. We pray for just Lord, just your kingdom to come in our kid's ministry and your will to be done just like it's done in heaven. In Jesus name. Amen. Thank you for that. One more announcement is that we have just relaunched our podcast on our website. You can go the ex dot org or you can look for it in any of the popular, um, aggregates. If you were like iTunes or ah, heart radio or Spotify. So with that, I want to introduce new Siri's today and I've talked about this over the years. I talked about it in snippets. I don't know that I've ever actually done a Siris on it, and this will probably be at least two or three weeks, and you guys know how I am. Sometimes I go a little longer than I in 10 in a thought, but I love getting in a vain and us talking in any way. I think this is in terms of oh, in terms of messages, I feel like this is one thing that can greatly help you in your life. So, uh, just building suspense is all doing spits built. Now, I could tell you what I'm sharing. I want to talk about boundaries. And, uh, this the title of this Syriza's called Boundaries Taking charge of you and this really means you understanding that God the fundamental message of boundaries. And we're going to get into this in just a second. But it's the idea that God has given you a space in your life to take charge of. Do you remember when Adam and Eve were in the garden? What God did was he gave them a circle of ground. And from that ground, he gave them a start. Basically. And he said, Hey, here's what I wanted to do. I want you to take care of this ground only to oversee this ground. Now go be blessed. Multiply all that good stuff. But he gave them a start and gave him a spot. He gave them ground. You know, the Bible says to not give the devil a foothold. Never heard that. It actually means Don't give the Greek words toe pose. It means ground. Don't give the devil ground. Don't give the devil your ground. And so you guys remember the whole journey of the Children of Israel when they were left Egypt. What were they called? The occupy. It was ground, right? It was a territory that God had called them occupied. It was certain cities, if you will. And I just want you to know that you have ground that God has called you to rule over ground that God has given you to be in charge of. And that ground, first of all, is actually you. So let's get into this for just a minute. What is the boundary? Um, you have any thoughts limit the boundaries of limit. It is a spot now we're talking about. Mostly is is Ah is boundaries like in relationships. But if you think of land itself, let's go back to our slide. There you can see the boundary of this farm. It's clearly, I mean, I'm I'm guessing this is an image from Europe somewhere because they're, you know, famous for having head rose. And, um, anyway, you see a boundary is, ah, boundary, a delineation of where one person's property ends and another persons property begins, and it makes it easier when their offenses and things like that or head rose to be able to see it. But on a relational level, it is very important for us to understand that there's actually a place where I end and we're annabelle, where you begin, or David, where I end and where you begin. And so let's talking about what a boundary is. Boundaries are. They're the things that define us as being distinct boundaries make me separate than you on a relational level, these air invisible for taking notes. You can write this these air invisible, identify IRS that, um, that make who we are and also define who were not. Um, a boundary shows me where I end where someone else begins providing me a sense of ownership for that which is called mine. And, um, this area called me, helps me. This helps me understand what I'm responsible for. And so, uh, why is this so important? Let's just start with this for just a second. A boundary defines me and not me. And why is this important? Why is it important for you to see the difference in who you are and who someone else's was foundational for relationships? If you understand that, if if there is no distinction between persons, you can't have relationship, does that make sense? The on leeway, by definition that relationship can exist, is when you are not me and I'm not you and we're separate. There's a distinction, but through the distinction, we then relate. Does that make sense? You have your own sense of who you are. I have my own sense of who I am. And from that point of strength and ownership and responsibility, we have a connection, or that connection is relationship. Is that crazy? We know God's relational right God is, really I mean, the trinity itself. It it blows me away that three distinct persons are so close that they're wound, yet they are distinct. And so we know God loves relationship. But God also has boundaries. I'll talk about that more later. But but a boundary is really imported because in a relational context, it helps may know who I'm responsible, too, and who I am responsible for. And these are different places. Let me ask you a question. Um, I do's and chapel all the time. I ask questions, but I always have the answer in front of me. So I'm giving you a cheat. Okay. Anytime I ask the question. At least in chat, and I'm talking about for our school, the answer is always there. It's usually a verse. But who do you guys think that you're responsible for? You are level to the answer is not necessarily there. Who do you think you're responsible for? You're responsible for yourself, right? How do we know that? What? The end of the age of God is actually gonna hold us accountable? There's a judgment, right? The judgement implies that God thinks we're powerful. He thinks were so powerful that he is able to hold us accountable for the power that we have the power to choose the power to say yes, the power to say no that power toe choose what we do with our lives. Um, that's why I believe you know, I believe in free wheel because there will be a judgment for free will. But God thinks that we're powerful people. And so a boundary defines who I'm responsible too and who I am responsible four. Now, this is really important. If you get in a situation where someone is, uh let's just say so. Let's just let's just throughout this example real quick. Your college do it. And, uh, you your roommate stayed up all night playing for night. You have a quiz that morning. He wakes up that morning. Hey, man, please give me around. I stayed up all night playing for tonight. I'm about to be late for class. Can you give me a ride? But that cuts into your last 30 minutes prepared for your quiz. Um, you are responsible toe love people to help people. But what's gonna happen if you do that? I mean, you're actually enabling their behavior, right? They're going to do it again. Oh, man, I'm sorry. I'm not gonna be able to do that right now. That's a boundary, By the way, there's a place where hey, I recognise I would love to help you if I could, but I'm afraid that I'm not gonna do well on that quiz. If I bail you out, you know? And anyway, so a boundary to find soon responsible to and who I'm responsible. Four. And there's Ah, a coast of R. And I'm not sure from saying that correctly from Kosovo. A Cosa a proverb from Kosovo. How about that? There's a proverb from Coast of, uh there's actually two of my share on both with the but one of them says this that a horse that belongs to two families gets eaten by a wolf. Why do you guys think that's true? Because nobody's taking responsibility. So what? What abounds really does is a boundary helps establish ownership. There's another one to the dog of to master stars, you know, because I think he's gonna feed him. He thinks I'm gonna feed him. Nobody's taking responsibility, right? And it's really important. Relationships rest, understand? that we are responsible for us, what's on the inside of our boundary. And here's a great verse that I want to share with you. This is Galatians, Chapter six, and I love this verse. I've used this verse a lot a lot over the years. It has helped me clarify at times what I'm responsible for. What I'm responsible to, um and this is what the verse says it says care each other's burdens. And in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. So it is Christian to help other people correct. And it says, if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing to see themselves, each one should test his own actions that he can take pride themselves without comparing himself to other people. To me, this verse is really about progress. This are this part, rather, you know, if your only comparing yourself to others and you don't know that you're making you're your own progress. But anyway, that's no I'm talking about right now without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load. The King James. This always threw me off when I gave my life to the Lord out. Rid King James Bible. I mean, was there another one? You know, by the way, when I got to say this is in the side, I did not know that there was any music that was Christian except for Southern gospel. And so I literally I got saved. I've when I was 16 years old. Radical change in my life. I remember Pound all my CDs I list This is my parent's generation music. But I listened classic rock and roll. I love Led Zeppelin, but also listened like black side. But this is the Anyway, I piled it all up, put it in a bucket, and I burned it. Right. Sorry, that released some bad stuff in the atmosphere. But I was just where I was. And I started listening to Southern gospel music and ah, anywhere. Why am I telling you guys this story? 00 is because I thought there was only King James and Southern Gospel. That's all. I knew it. So, uh, I thank the Lord. I met some people. Let's start this lady. She just passed away this past week, but she became like a spiritual mom to me when I was a teenager and they introduced me to Carmen. And, uh, that was cutting edge. That was, like way, way better than Southern girls. But I still like Southern gospel, by the way, but I'm glad that I they introduced me to praise and worship music. Oh my goodness, you know, because I went from leads up 12 you know, to the Isaac's, which are really good and Southern gospel, but I mean anyway. But in King James, this verses carry other. It says each one should bear other people's burdens, and then it ends by saying, for each person should bear their own burden. And I was always confused by this. Why does it say Bear one another's burdens? And then it says you should bear your own burden. It didn't make sense. You don't seem like a contradiction. And then at some point I found out that this is actually different Greek words altogether, Paul said in his instructions to the Galatians. Hey, look, when it comes to you guys doing community and you do in life together, it is really important that you bear one another's. The Greek word is actually Boulder that you bear one another's boulders. Mr Jerry, there are times in life where the things that are around you there so big there is no way that you could carry that on your own. And this is what God has called us as a body of Christ to be is to carry one another. When when we're facing issues that are bigger than us, what do we do? We help carry one another's burdens. I think a great example of this is, you know, when, Um when the tornadoes hit Beauregard, a number of you guys went in helped. I know Matt. He was like, there the next day, helping dig his buddy out of where his house. There was nothing less of his house. This is something that is way bigger. You guys helped us to do our house, got hit and went way above and beyond. And I feel like this is an expression of the love of God and what Paul said. It's when you do this, you're actually fulfilling the law of Christ. The law across two things Love, God love it, love, it saw summed up in that. So this is action expression of loving God. It's when we help others that are in something that's bigger than they can carry on their own. It's a big deal, right. We help each other. This is what we do. We bear each other's burdens, and then Paul goes on to say, But each person should bear their own load. Yeah, it at the Greek word is actually backpack that interesting? That's a lot different than a boulder, isn't it? So basically every person we should know what A When somebody's carrying something that's bigger than them. We should do that. But did you know that there's a limitation of that? Each person is responsible. Look, tell your neighbors say, I got a backpack and I'm responsible for my backpack. Here's the deal. You can't and I see this happen. I see this happened in sports. I said, This happened with students. I say it's happened with adults. You can't care more about somebody's life and they care about their life. I mean, you can you can intercede for them and you can pray for him. But what I'm saying is, but one of my goals in life is to be a cheerleader for other people, right? Be a cheerleader for the over these kids. We got 100 kids in our school and get to know all of my love. These kids love them deeply. Occasion, there's somebody that they they don't want it. And my message. You guess what my messages I says all the time in our school. Who are you responsible for? What we tend to do by the way they made me write. Can somebody really make you mad? If somebody makes you mad, who has the power? I have the power right. That's not good. That means that any time they do anything, they can make you however they want. That's not owning your own space, is it? You ever say this to your spouse? Why? Why did you act like a total jerk? Oh, it's because you are you tracking? I don't me to my wife. Sometimes you lie, but it's totally her fault. Here's the deal that is a disempowering stance because it puts control in somebody else's hands. But when you stand before the Lord, is he going to say that was really their fault? There's a passage of Scripture that I want to share with you, but I just want to mention it today. I would kind of like to look at it later. But do you guys remember when God put out me in the garden? He made them responsible for their space. So he gave them responsibility. I gave him authority with that responsibility. And, um, remember what happened. It didn't pan out, right, did it? They mean it might have panned out for a while. I don't know, but eventually ive a right. This a woman's all right? Yeah. Adam, he ate. It was his fault. What? What happened? So here's what happened. They did what God told him not to do. God said, you can look from anything. God is about freedom, right? You can do it. Look, there's only one tree that you don't eat from, right. Most of us. A lot of a lot of people in our culture think they don't serve Jesus because he said restrictive. But this is not God's nature. His nature's Look. Look at the look at the forest. Eat any of them. Just don't eat this one. You eat this one, you'll surely die. I'm not joking. The rest of have at it, right? You know, people say don't serve Jesus because it's a bunch of that shot knots. But do you know the 10 Commandments or 10 things not to do? What if God said no, there's only 10 things you can do that would be restrictive. The 10 things that you can't do. Well, that's just a promote relationship with God in relationship with people, right? All the commands, a relational, and, um, it was not restricted. God is not just reason. I'm saying that is just cause God gets a bad rap. He is really, really nice. He's really he just provides a lot of freedom. Anyway, Adam and Eve, they did the one thing God told him not to do. And, um and when they did that God goes to even he's i e What did you do? You guys remember what she say? Oh, no. First of all star, he goes to Adam. I'm sorry. Adam was the first excuse giver. God goes to Adam and he says, Adam, what did you do? And what did he do? He do the same thing that Josh did just a minute ago, right? He says she made me out like that. I'm a big dummy because of her, right? That's what Adam said. It's the look. That tendency didn't start just yesterday with you write. It started way back when Adam says, Look, uh, the woman that you gave me, he was blaming, even he was blaming God and that what we do, that's the total victim mentality, isn't it? The woman in you, It's her fault. It's your fault. Um, and, uh, anyway, in God, he said, You are totally right, Adam, you make a really good point. That's not what he said, is it? Who did got hold responsible? Who did God told Adam responsible for. He actually held Adam responsible for himself. Then he goes to Eve and he says to a Why did you do? And he says, The devil made me do it right. Uh, just the devil made me do it, and, uh and he was like, Oh, ive you make a very good point. Maybe I should rethink how this whole power thing No, that's not what he did. Actually, when God doled out consequences, if you will, um, the consequences were given through the serpent. Consequences were given to a consequences were given Adam because God was holding them all responsible for their own behavior. And so the beauty in this is that God trust us with power, and he gives us the ability to use. That's the beauty in it. The scary part is we're gonna answer for how Yeah, right. And so. But one of the things that's important in this is for us to just understand. There is a spot where I end and where someone else begins. And God fundamentally wants me to be empowered in my space. So let's go back and look at this verse one more time Kerry each other's burdens. And in this way you fulfill the law of Christ. We do so from my sense of self and my sense of my circle. I actually want to choose to help you, right? But it's a choice that I make this empower. Um, but the limitation of that and this is pretty much the scope of our talk for today. The limitation of that is that I am not called to carry your backpack. I'm kidding. I want to help carry your boulder, but I'm not called to help you get up in the morning and get your clothes on, get to work. I am not responsible for the ugly words that you are saying. Even if you're saying them about May. Sometimes we fear of making a choice is powerful because we're afraid how someone else is going to react. And ah, and we want to be powerful in our own circle. Right? And we want to carry our own luck. So here's one more thing that boundaries do is that boundaries help us keep good in and bad out a boundary establishes that sense of what we want to protect. It establishes that sense of what we want to keep and what we're gonna let go. I would say a boundary is not a wall. A wall will keep you by yourself. A boundary is a semi permeable membrane. Okay. Like skin, right? Your skin actually really helps you. It gives you a sense of, uh oh. This is where I start, Right? What? The skin day takes in vitamin D, right? Let's get in. What else this can do. What does can absorb all those essential oils that even by can I have something to do with all that takes it in, right? What a skin let out. It lets out toxins right out of your swit. Let's have a lot of things. Um, get rid of a lot of waste, if you will through three. Sweat skin is a great example. It's also a spot that defined it. Keeps them good in like, uh, I have skin. It would be pretty gross, right? You see my goods. That's not good, right? They my guts would be very vulnerable. Would they know? So Skin is a is a great example of a boundary and our boundaries Your good thing. You know, Jesus said this, he said, because here's happens and we're going to get into this. More has begun. Jesus said. He that does not come through the gate is a thief and a robber. In other words, there's a boundary and there's a gate and you come through the gate. That sin Mob can use a semi permeable. Uh, it's a gay. Let's keeps bad out. He lets good in right? You need You need a city gate you need. You don't just need the wall. You need a city gate that lets the good in. Let's the bad out. Right. So we don't want to just build a wall is we just build a wall. They were alone, so that's not what we want. But we have to be willing tohave a bail injury because the boundary actually enables me to see who I am. And then I can take me and relate to you is that you guys see how, how it's very, very important for us to establish relationships and responsibilities of a part of that. So, really, this message today is about empowerment. I want you guys to feel encouraged in the fact that God has given you a circle that is. You heard Alan Jones. Described before, is your hula hoop? I don't know. Maybe that comes from Danny sealed. God has given us each a hula hoop and what's in our hula hoop, but we're responsible for our hula hoop, right? And, uh, M. But it's an empowering thought. If everything in your life is someone else's fault, then that is that is very disempowering. That means there's nothing you can do about where you are. But if God has hold you responsible for your hula hoop, that's very encouraging, because that means he's also given you authority in that hula hoop. You can do something about your life, and that is very empowering, isn't it? Now, here's the only last thing I want to say is I don't want this talk to end the you have in the thought. OK, well, then it's all up to May, right? I'm held responsible. So that means that I've got to get my stuff together. Well, yeah, you do. But what if I said the greatest thing you could do in your hula hoop is to ask Jesus to come in your living with because he respects your boundaries? You actually want to open up the door, right? Jesus said, I stand at the door and not it's that interesting. Jesus will not. I let your who Hey, stands and Nag's. We're gonna talk about this later when we can define who we are, who are not. Then we learned honor other people's boundaries. We learned honor their distinctiveness, their person we learned on it. That's a great, great mission. I'm not gonna get into that today, but, uh but Jesus honors are our person are distinguished, but he stands at the door knocks and he says if any man hears my voice. I will come to him and we will eat about the King James, he says We will sup together when you want to set with Jesus. It was a share A meal with us with a share relationship with us. If any man hears my voice, let let me in. I'm standing the door not we'll eat together and look when you bring Jesus into your who Hey holds us what God wants us to do with our who. What do you want us to do with our land? Is he wants us to take responsibility for but in that responsibility wants us to include him in it. Because the problem is we've got some junk inside our land and we don't know how to get rid of our job, but he'll help us with it. So part of us being powerful is actually saying, Lord Jesus, come in this land, Come in this hula hoop and help me move forward a man. And that's how I wanted to end today. And could we could You got to stand with me for just a minute. And what I want us to do today is to to make the powerful choice. The powerful choice that invite Jesus in the our land in our hula hoop Inside the boundary of what is us? Could you do this with me? I don't need to draw a circle. What? Do your fluid on the ground now? What? You step in that circle. Okay, Draw one. Big enough for Jesus. Footprints, too. Okay, maybe a little bigger there. All right, let's pray. I say this with Lord Jesus. I invite by my choice you in the mile who? And I ask that together, you and I would move forward. Mm. And one more thing. Say, I receive responsibility for my horse for my dog. And I also received power Feed my horse and my dog in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. I say it will. Listen, if anybody wants prayer, would you have Robert Holly, Can you guys hit with our per team today? We're gonna have our prayer ministry team. Come on up for a day. If anybody wants prayer, we will pray for you guys. Hey, listen, this is us stepping into, like once were empowered. All of a sudden, we can do things like dream about where we want to go with God, we can dream about seeing our married lives improved about seeing the quality of our relationships get better instead of just always saying, Well, this just angle work, we can start thinking Oh, but I know I can do something with me, and this is a very, very encouraging ideology. And so anyway, if anybody wants prayer, I want to invite you guys to come up and then just one more thing on to declare this blessing over you. This is from numbers Chapter six, Verse 22. It goes like this. May the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face shine on you and turn to you and be gracious to you and give you peace. I bless you guys and Jesus. For more information about the Ope's visit the oaks dot org, thanks for listening.